| for the LJ life i had |
[Nov. 13th, 2007|07:14 pm] |
aw. enjoy.
some of you much enjoy. for you were in mind.
 |
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| bitch and animal |
[Feb. 8th, 2007|07:47 pm] |
this is the point
where the eye and I don't meet
this is the point
that spells defeat
i have watched your unlove
written like tabloids
i had to stumble on buying my food
there you were
unfolded in headlines and horror
i love all those bits of you
i love all those bits of you
on the hardwood floor
where the bird imitates our fighting
you put the golf show on
to avoid my crying
you cup your arm to care
where the hurt went in
and well, why does it hurt?
complications of leftover racisms
why does it hurt?
you start the road trip off with accusations
of why does it
feel like i've been run over in traffic
scratchin in the dust of someone's leavin
punches in my gut
oh look i'm bleeding
not for you, for me this time, this time
not for you, for me
this time
just for the record, there is no record
it's a problem
there is no "this is what you said"
that's already gone
all we have are our love
and our guts baby
all we have are our love
and our guts baby
they're all over the road
you don't know the difference
between anger and pissed off
one is doing and one is feeling
one is doing and one is feeling
and i'm feeling
i'm feeling
feels like i've been run over in traffic
scratchin at the dust of someone's leaving
punches in my gut
oh look i'm bleeding
not for you, for me this time, this time
not for you, for me
this time
i need to be healed
i need to be healed
just saying it does it
just smashing it crushes it
just loving it douses it
just saying it does it
just smashing it crushes it
just loving it douses it
just loving it douses it
feels like i been run over in traffic
scratching at the dust of someone leaving
punches in my gut
oh look- i'm bleeding
not for you, for me this time, this time
not for you, for me.
not for you, for me.
*heard this song*
emo words posted by a lj user since she was 15.
me.
:) rock on! |
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| look at all that dust come out of that bag |
[Jan. 22nd, 2007|07:53 pm] |
its been a really long time.
yep, long time.
everything looks different
cept friends page looks the same.
too bad in real life, couldnt say the same.
but what could i really say about life right now cept...
im living it.
care to join?
share?
PEACE |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2006|12:58 pm] |
|
nothing is ever what it seems |
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| Flaming Lips |
[Sep. 20th, 2006|03:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
Part 1~
Her name is Yoshimi - she's a black belt in karate
Working for the city - she has to discipline her body -
Cause she knows that it's demanding to defeat these
Evil machines - I know she can beat them -
Oh Yoshimi
They don't believe me
But you won't let those
Robots defeat me
Oh Yoshimi
They don't believe me
But you won't let those
Robots eat me
Those evil natured robots - they're programmed to
Destroy us - She's gotta be strong to fight them -
So she's taking lots of vitamins - cause she knows that
It'd be tragic if those evil robots win - I know
She can beat them -
PART 2~
[Screaming]
and as i sit and as i live, i may not be Yoshimi, but at least music keeps me going..... |
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| Updated: 11 minutes ago |
[Sep. 11th, 2006|09:52 pm] |
Five years after the worst terrorist attack in U.S. history, President Bush said Monday night the war against terrorism is “the calling of our generation” and urged Americans to put aside differences and fight to victory despite what he called “a difficult road ahead.”
“America did not ask for this war, and every American wishes it were over,” Bush said. “The war is not over — and it will not be over until either we or the extremists emerge victorious.”
Bush, in a prime-time address from the Oval Office, staunchly defended the war in Iraq even though he acknowledged that Saddam Hussein was not responsible for the 9/11 attacks that killed nearly 3,000 people.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14788377?GT1=8506 |
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| this month |
[Sep. 4th, 2006|05:19 pm] |
Sun Sign
Taurus
The week of September 4 will be productive and a time when you can make progress, but a little tense. The Full Moon Eclipse in Pisces on September 7 will probably make you feel scattered, and life may become surreal for a couple of days. On Monday, September 11, expect a power struggle to bring up old insecurities. High expectations the week of September 18 will force you to meet challenges with your usual dependability and tenacity. On September 26, have patience with others who don't share your work ethic.
"Wake Me Up When September Ends"
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends
summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends |
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| nice qoute |
[Aug. 29th, 2006|10:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
dont believe the truth. |
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|
| trippy visuals |
[Aug. 27th, 2006|02:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| Your 2006 Summer Anthem Is | 
Crazy by Gnarls Barkley
"I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that phase
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space" |
:goodnight: |
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| i dont like jail *edited* |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|06:51 pm] |
being arrested the other night/ early morning......
sucked huge balls....
wasnt my fault but could be SO MUCH worse
thought this quiz was fitting for the moment of edits....
| Your Theme Song is Fight for Your Right by the Beastie Boys | 
"Your mom busted in and said, "What's that noise?"
Aw, mom you're just jealous - it's the Beastie Boys!"
You love to party hard and cause a little trouble...
And you're too busy getting wasted to move out of your parents' house! |
im screwed......... but i bet we'll get through it.
:) |
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| im a pixie im a paperdoll im a cartoon |
[Aug. 22nd, 2006|11:17 am] |
because of this....and not wanting to take pills.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WR9vtdueubc
im reading this book
details:
Intense, unpredictable, and instantly engaging, A Million Little Pieces is a story of drug and alcohol abuse and rehabilitation as it has never been told before. Recounted in visceral, kinetic prose, and crafted with a forthrightness that rejects piety, cynicism, and self-pity, it brings us face-to-face with a provocative new understanding of the nature of addiction and the meaning of recovery.
By the time he entered a drug and alcohol treatment facility, James Frey had taken his addictions to near-deadly extremes. He had so thoroughly ravaged his body that the facility’s doctors were shocked he was still alive. The ensuing torments of detoxification and withdrawal, and the never-ending urge to use chemicals, are captured with a vitality and directness that recalls the seminal eye-opening power of William Burroughs’s Junky.
But A Million Little Pieces refuses to fit any mold of drug literature. Inside the clinic, James is surrounded by patients as troubled as he is -- including a judge, a mobster, a one-time world-champion boxer, and a fragile former prostitute to whom he is not allowed to speak — but their friendship and advice strikes James as stronger and truer than the clinic’s droning dogma of How to Recover. James refuses to consider himself a victim of anything but his own bad decisions, and insists on accepting sole accountability for the person he has been and the person he may become which runs directly counter to his counselors’ recipes for recovery.
James has to fight to find his own way to confront the consequences of the life he has lived so far, and to determine what future, if any, he holds. It is this fight, told with the charismatic energy and power of One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest, that is at the heart of A Million Little Pieces: the fight between one young man’s will and the ever-tempting chemical trip to oblivion, the fight to survive on his own terms, for reasons close to his own heart.
A Million Little Pieces is an uncommonly genuine account of a life destroyed and a life reconstructed. It is also the introduction of a bold and talented literary voice.
About the Author:
James Frey is 32 years old. He is originally from Cleveland,but he has lived in 6 countries and ten states. He used to write movies but now writes books. He has also worked as a skateboard salesmen, a camp counselor, a picture-framer, a bouncer at a bar, a film director, a film producer, a busboy, a hotel security-guard and as both Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny at a major department store. He is married, and he and his wife Maya live in New York City with their two dogs. He has been sober nine years
*a note to the reader*
A Million Little Pieces is about my memories of my time in a drug and
alcohol treatment center. As has been accurately revealed by two journalists
at an Internet Web site, and subsequently acknowledged by me, during
the process of writing the book, I embellished many details about my
past experiences, and altered others in order to serve what I felt was the
greater purpose of the book. I sincerely apologize to those readers who
have been disappointed by my actions.
I first sat down to write the book in the spring of 1997. I wrote what is
now the first forty pages of it. I stopped because I didn’t feel ready to continue
to do it, didn’t think I was ready to express some of the trauma I
had experienced. I started again in the fall of 2000. I had been working in
the film industry and was deeply unsatisfied with what I was doing. I had
wanted to write books and was writing films. I saved enough money to
give myself eighteen months to write the book.
I didn’t initially think of what I was writing as nonfiction or fiction,
memoir or autobiography. I wanted to use my experiences to tell my story
about addiction and alcoholism, about recovery, about family and friends
and faith and love, about redemption and hope. I wanted to write, in the
best-case scenario, a book that would change lives, would help people
who were struggling, would inspire them in some way. I wanted to write
a book that would detail the fight addicts and alcoholics experience in
their minds and in their bodies, and detail why that fight is difficult to
win. I wanted to write a book that would help the friends and family
members of addicts and alcoholics understand that fight.
As I wrote, I worked primarily from memory. I also used supporting documents,
such as medical records, therapists’ notes, and personal journals,
when I had them, and when they were relevant. I wanted the stories in
the book to ebb and flow, to have dramatic arcs, to have the tension that
all great stories require. I altered events and details all the way through
the book. Some of those include my role in a train accident that killed a
girl from my school. While I was not, in real-life, directly involved in the
accident, I was profoundly affected by it. Others involved jail time I
served, which in the book is three months, but which in reality was only
several hours, and certain criminal events, including an arrest in Ohio,
which was embellished. There has been much discussion, and dispute,
about a scene in the book involving a root-canal procedure that takes
place without anesthesia. I wrote that passage from memory, and have
medical records that seem to support it. My account has been questioned
by the treatment facility, and they believe my memory may be flawed.
In addition, names and identifying characteristics of all the treatment patients
in the book and all of the facility’s employees, characteristics including
occupations, ages, places of residence, and places and means of death,
were changed to protect the anonymity of those involved in this period in
my life. This was done in the spirit of respecting every individual’s
anonymity, which is something we were urged to do while in treatment,
and to continue to do after we left.
I made other alterations in my portrayal of myself, most of which portrayed
me in ways that made me tougher and more daring and more aggressive
than in reality I was, or I am. People cope with adversity in many different
ways, ways that are deeply personal. I think one way people cope is by developing
a skewed perception of themselves that allows them to overcome
and do things they thought they couldn’t do before. My mistake, and it is
one I deeply regret, is writing about the person I created in my mind to
help me cope, and not the person who went through the experience.
There is much debate now about the respective natures of works of memoir,
nonfiction, and fiction. That debate will likely continue for some
time. I believe, and I understand others strongly disagree, that memoir allows
the writer to work from memory instead of from a strict journalistic
or historical standard. It is about impression and feeling, about individual
recollection. This memoir is a combination of facts about my life and certain
embellishments. It is a subjective truth, altered by the mind of a recovering
drug addict and alcoholic. Ultimately, it’s a story, and one that I
could not have written without having lived the life I’ve lived.
I never expected the book to become as successful as it has, to sell anywhere
close to the number of copies it has sold. The experience has been
shocking for me, incredibly humbling, and at times terrifying. Throughout
this process, I have met thousands of readers, and heard from many thousands
more, who were deeply affected by the book, and whose lives were
changed by it. I am deeply sorry to any readers who I have disappointed
and I hope these revelations will not alter their faith in the book’s central
message—that drug addiction and alcoholism can be overcome, and there
is always a path to redemption if you fight to find one. Thirteen years after
I left treatment, I’m still on the path, and I hope, ultimately, I’ll get there.
James Frey
New York
January 2006
WOW im amazed by so much and i dont think i like oprah. she makes me shake my head
http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200601/tows_past_20060126.jhtml
OH MAN! |
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| a time to remember |
[Aug. 11th, 2006|10:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | dear diary | ] |
things happen and people do thier things.
im not so much like my friends anymore.
so i hope i dont get judged too soon.
im always meeting new and different people.
right now i feel open for just about anything less chaotic but more new.
see you around |
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|
| life or something like it |
[Aug. 1st, 2006|11:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  good | ] |
its official.....
we moved in the new place yesterday.
:)
things seem to fall into place. but its needed cuz of all we've been through.
i could say i think more will happen...theres so much i wish wont happen...
but isnt it ...life.
i miss alot of things and people ive always missed and assumed ill never get connections with them again, just makes that whole life thing... sadder.
im starting to do real good things, i just hope that continues... and i hope one day the people i once shared my life with so intensely..... will just come around again..
because ive tried. and just seemed to get all awww... and never hear from them again.
i dont want to waste too much time anymore.
i want my health to go up. being 21 doesnt help with that so much haha.
but ill be around.
ps. my cousin in cali had their baby. and she is adorable :)
PEACE |
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|
| myspace whores |
[Jul. 28th, 2006|11:58 am] |
myspace seemed to have done a deleting massacre and im out. so is a bunch of people i know.
haha theories of it was an error.
kinda eers me cuz no warning. lost info,contact and such.
but it is kinda funny.
haha people seem pissed.
:)
tell me if your still up...
someone just called, thiers is back ..... i bet its just from power outages says her and just computer crap...
or hey, ...still have lj and email and phones.
PEACE |
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|
| dear diary |
[Jul. 28th, 2006|09:57 am] |
so im moving from lafayette street in saco, where ive lived for 21yrs...
to lafayette steet in portland where its a city ive played in for years, gone through far too much,met madd loads of people.... and a place i almost dread sinking too deeply into.
maggie i liked those pictures. :) haha i just saw dev yesterday and we're going camping again at her house first weekend of new month.
remember when we first went?
so theres so much more i want to talk about but this is lj.
haha.
i just wonder if ill be deleted soon.
cuz im not wellknown and my words dont always sparkle.
this just seems like a place for a handful of folks i dont get to see all that often...
and sometimes peoples words are all i need.
and to see them grow.
ill be around.....
stay intouch yous....
PEACE |
|
|
| EMO SONG |
[Jul. 19th, 2006|11:35 am] |
|
| | | "EMO SONG" on Google Video |  |
this is a music video that was shown to me yesterday. so its fitting for livejournal sometimes huh kids
:)
i just hope it makes people smile
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| beer buster |
[Jul. 18th, 2006|10:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  yeah | ] |
Spice up your Brew
1 1/2 oz. Vodka
12 oz. Beer
2 dashes Tabasco
Stir Vodka and Tobasco together in a chilled beer mug or pint glass. Pour in Beer. |
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| whos knows anymore |
[Jul. 3rd, 2006|01:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | yep | ] |
i guess you just have to talk to me.
:) |
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| drift |
[Jun. 24th, 2006|02:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | goodnight | ] |
...new fast n furious tonight made me want to fix my car pretty sweetly and drive....
with a drift.
life is strange
PEACE |
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pixiexdustx's journal
